I'm on the road, headin' to Hollywood. My kin and I's gonna be in the movies.
On this hear road trip, we somewhere right now in the middle of Arizonie. Ain't seen no Injuns yet. Lookin' fer tee pees. Got a good eatin' place out in these hear parts called the Route 66 Cafe. They got good eats. My big 'ole wife and little ones all got they bellies full.
I blind to seein' any Injuns yet. Blind as Lottie's eye.
These hear foreigners out here. You know what they get? They git what the little boy shot at. And that's nuthin'.
I hear they's nothin' but queers and dopers out there in that there Hollywood.
But some feller was out here in the boonies the other day, and said I oughta be in the movies.
So I packed my my big ole wife, my little ones, got in the old pickup truck, and we headed to Hollywood.
Had a stop here in Oklahomie. The kids wanted to see this hear biggest McDonalds in the world off the highway in Big Cabin. Maybe we all kin find a big cabin to sleep in tonight here in Big Cabin.
Don't know 'bout this hear country we all live in.
I'm talkin' 'bout women, dopers and them there queers.
Back here in da boonies, you can't beat this livin' with a stick. We white, we God lovin', beer drinkin', trailer park livin', married with kids rednecks. Life don't git much better.
But you talk 'bout them there city slickers. You talk about them there dummies and weirdos that ain't redneck. They ain't American. They ain't werth shit.
You git on this hear thang they call the internet and I can't believe my eyes. Lookit what's in the news here. Nothin' but stuff 'bout women, dopers and them there queers.
Them there women. If you lookit them there women outside a these hear parts, they think they got a brain. They think they got a thang between their legs. They think they's the same as a feller.
If you think the woman is the same as a feller, you ain't werth shit.
Them there dopers. They's places in this hear country where that there dope is legal. Them there dopers can buy that dope. That ain't American. You don't see no dopers 'round these hear parts. And don't think you will neithers.
If you a doper, or you behind the doper, you ain't American. You ain't werth shit.
And talk 'bout queer. Them there queers. Alls I hear 'bout on this hear computer thang is stuff in the news 'bout them there queers. Everybody talkin' bout them there queers gittin' married. Wantin' ta change these hear laws. What happened to this hear country? People for the queer...they queer. They got queer. If they ain't queer they behind the queer.
If you queer, or you behind the queer, you ain't American. You ain't werth shit.
Redneck livin' God lovin'. Redneck livin' American. If you ain't a redneck, if you behind them women, dopers and queers, you ain't werth shit.
If you ain't a redneck, you ain't American. You ain't worth shit.
Lemme tell y'all 'bout us here rednecks.
Us rednecks stick together.
Like birds of a feather, they flock together.
What's all this hear fuss 'bout this hear feller they call the Pope. You got a feller in a dress. Don't look like a feller be preachin' to God lovin' rednecks. We ain't behind fellers in a dress.
I'm Woody the Redneck.
Hey there y'all. The other day they wuz some city slickers in these hear parts. They say I oughta go out to Hollywood and be in the movies.
I hear theys lots a fruits and nuts in Hollywood.
Maybe they need a feller who's a real American. A redneck.
I don't know bout this hear country we all live in. In my grandpappy's day, we just had our own kind. You didn't see any other kinds around. And that's how it still is in these hear parts.
In my grandpappy's day, they flew confederate flags high and proud....and that ain't all they hung neithers.
You look around this hear country and all you see is them there foreigners. Russians, Greeks, Mexicans, Chinks, Diegos, Jigs, Polacks....I kin go on and on. I hear in some parts theys people in this country that don't even talk our language. Makes me wonder what kind a country we live in.
You a good redneck if you white, protect your own kind, speak American, and fly yer confederate flag.
You don't see none a them there foreigners around these hear parts. And don't you think you won't neithers.
If you behind the foreigner, you ain't American. You ain't werth shit.
Them there crackpots all over. Yew won't find them in these hear parts. But they's crackpots. Deemocrats, queers, bums, single fellers and gals, women who think they got a head on they shoulders, dopers, fellers who ain't behind the guns, people who ain't married by the time they 18....they's a lotta crackpots out there.
If you a crackpot and you ain't a redneck, or you ain't behind the redneck, you ain't werth shit.
They's a lot a kooks out there. Them there weird fellers. I hear they's fellers that wear dresses. And hold other fellers hands while walkin' down the street.
If you a kook, you ain't werth shit.
My lands a livin'. Them there whackos just plum stupid. I swan. I ain't never seen none a them weirdos in these hear parts.
Just tried to get my car to start. That there battery's deader than a doornail.
I reckon you best stay in redneck parts if you a true American. If you ain't a redneck, you ain't worth shit.
If you gotta pay a gal to put your thang in her, you ain't werth shit.
I been married to my big ole gal a long time. She take good care a me. Make me 3 square a day. Take care a my little ones. Let me put my thang in her every once in a while...when she feel like it. And I ain't gotta pay her nuthin'. All's I do is just give her my paycheck every week.
If you a whore....or you gotta pay a whore....you ain't werth sh*t.
I'm Woody the Redneck.
Watch the brand new episode from the shocking satire web series WOODY THE REDNECK:
If you ain't a redneck....or you ain't behind a redneck...or you ain't behind redneck livin'...you ain't worth shit.
Take a few redneck thangs....Guns, moochin, and bein' fat.
We rednecks all behind the gun. You don't take guns outta these hear redneck parts. Every good true redneck got a shotgun or two hangin' in their truck. If you don't hang guns in your truck, you ain't worth shit.
If you a moocher...you ain't worth shit. Take these fellers hangin' round the general store lookin' fer a handout. Fellers moochin' cigarettes. Bums moochin' food. Family moochin' money. Kin moochin' a place to lay their head and sleep at night. No roof a they own over their heads. I hate them there moochers. If you ain't on your own by the time you 18....you ain't worth shit.
Let's talk 'bout bein' fat. Bein' fat a good thang. My Ma and Pa always brought me up you eat 3 square a day. You don't leave nothin' on your plate. My kin always been brought up that you ain't healthy unless you fat. Bein' fat a good thang. Being fat is natural. Bein' fat is healthy. Bein' fat's American. These hear little fat kids...they a spittin' image a their parents. You wanna be just like your Ma and Pa. Just like your Grandpappy. Your kin your role model. Us here, we in this here country live in a nation a fat. If you ain't fat...if you skinny as a crow.....you ain't American. You ain't worth shit.
Guns, moochin' and bein' fat. A few good redneck thangs.
A little satire never never hurt no one neithers.
I'm Woody the Redneck, y'all....
Own the Award - Winning Hit Mockumentary Short Film
If yew don't like a routine...you ain't worth shit.
A good redneck likes routine. If you like routine, you American. You someone if you stay in one place all your life, work the same job all your life, stay in the same town all your life....hell. I never been outside a this here small town. All them there fellers who travel got a scew loose. All them city slickers weirdos.
If you ain't got routine...you ain't worth shit.
I'm Woody the Redneck
Woody the Redneck
The Web Series
REDNECK ROUTINE - Episode # 9
Starring Jack Truman as Woody
Directed by Jack Truman
Based off the award-winning hit short mockumentary film
My wife snores real good. Last night, I got in bed...and my 'ole lady wuz sawin' logs. You a redneck, you know that's good snorin'.
All this here talkin' bout guns. Law better not try to take my guns away. You don't take guns away from a redneck. Redneck livin'...loaded guns in the house, huntin', teachin' your little ones how to shoot....beatin' the crap outta yer kid if they touch a gun in the house....that redneck livin'. That American livin'. If yew ain't got guns in yer house....if yew ain't got guns hangin' in your pickup truck....you ain't American. You ain't worth shit.
WOODY THE REDNECK is the new shocking mockumentary satire web series about a middle aged racist conservative redneck in the boonies. Based off the new award-winning hit mockumentary short film, Woody is sure to shock, offend and entertain!!!
WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series - Episode # 8 - THEM THERE QUEERS
Starring Jack Truman as Woody
I been here on this Main Street fer a few days. And these hear movie star fellers walk, talk 'n act like they got a corn cob stuck up their asshole.
They call this hear thang Sundance. After a few days I can't figger it out. Ain't seen no one dancin'. Figgered they'd all be dancin' on the street under this here sun.
And you talk about all these hear diff'rnt types on these streets. Blacks. Chinks. Diegos. Fellers walkin' 'round holdin' other fellers hands. I saw one feller with a dress on. All kinds round these hear parts. And gals speakin' they mind....you wouldn't catch these types in these parts back in my part a the woods in the boonies. I figgered I'd see more fellers like me up here in the mountains.
Some diff'rent fellers down the street at a place in a motel on this here Main Street at a movie place they call Slamdance. They got all kinds a fellers here. But at least they got some good 'uns fer movies. Saw this here picture show called THE DIRTIES. Didn't know what wuz so dirty 'bout it. Fellers with guns. My kinda fellers. Purty good target practice they wuz takin'.
I don't know bout these here snooty snoots in this town and walkin' on the street. I don't like seein' fellers with a corn cob up their ass. Makes me miss home.
Well, I'm here in what they call this Park City place. It cold here. Up in the mountains. I don't see what all the fuss is 'bout. No rednecks here.
I'll be walking down this here street they call Main Street fer the next 5 days. Don't look the same here. Got a winter beard and look like that feller they call Grizzly Adams.
This thang here they call Sundance. I don't see no sun dancin'.
That thang up the road called Slamdance that start tomorrow. Lookin' forward to seein' y'all slammin' up again you selves when you dancin'.
This here place better get ready fer a redneck. I gonna raise all kinds a hell.
I'm Woody the Redneck, y'all. At what these here fellers call the 2013 Sundance Film Festival.
I tell you what. That there Honey Boo Boo a good ole kid.
Her parents ain't too shabby neithers. I tell ya. You got a redneck family, you American. You got redneck kids, you American. You into guns, confederate flags, god, bein' white, a big ole family and bein' fat, you American.
That there Honey Boo Boo and her kin show this country redneck the way to be.
Honey Boo Boo. I tell you what. She look and act just like my little 6 year old.
You got redneck kids. You American. You a redneck. You American.
Them there Duck Dynasty fellers are just like my neighbors who live cross the street.
They got a good ole trailer. Confederate flag flyin' high in the front yard. Bald tires hangin' from a rope on a tree fer their kids to play on. Shotguns hangin' in the pickup truck. Good ole fellers.
If yew ain't married by the time yew 18...yew ain't werth sh*t.
WOODY THE REDNECK is the new shocking mockumentary satire web series about a middle aged racist conservative redneck in the boonies. Based off the new hit mockumentary short film, Woody is sure to shock, offend and entertain!!!
WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series - Episode # 6 - IF YOU AIN'T MARRIED BY THE TIME YOU 18
