Fat Women, 3 Squares and Proud Redneck Livin'

I'm Woody the Redneck.

I got a big 'ole gal. If yew ain't got a big ole with a ring on her finger, you ain't werth sh*t.

Redneck livin' American. If yew ain't a redneck, yew ain't werth sh*t.

If yew American, yew love confederate flags, yew got a job, yew married, got kids, yew white, god lovin', yew go to church, yew republican,....if yew ain't a redneck, yew ain't werth shit.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

Tootin' My Own Horn - Redneck Words of Wisdom from Woody

I like to toot my own horn, y'all.

I think dem dere city slickers afraid to toot their own horn.

If you don't toot yer own horn, yew ain't werth sh*t.

It's dry as a bone out here in da boonies. Glad we got our own kind 'round here. Redneck livin' way to go. You don't see no other kind 'round dese here parts. And don't you think you will neithers.

If yew we'll see diff'rent types...we'll just see about that. And don't you think we won't neither.

Yew a smart feller if yew white, got a pickup truck, live in trailer in the woods, married to a big ole gal with kids runnin' round barefoot in the yard, got a job, go to church and protect your kind.

If yew ain't a redneck, yew ain't smart. Yew ain't werth shit.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

Dentists and a Toolbox

The new episode from

WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series

Starring Jack Truman as Woody

A Dixie Film



Grandpappy Turnin' Over in His Grave

If my grandpappy saw how this here country wuz nowadays, he'd turn over in his grave.

Damn. My lands a livin'. Golly bum. I swan. Yew can't tell me that redneck livin' back in the old days wuz better than the way thangs are now.

Yew just take what you see when you out fer a afternoon drive in yew pickup truck. The thangs that are drivin' or walkin' smack dab in the middle of the road. I wouldn't touch them thangs with a stick.

If yew like how thangs are in this here country, yew ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series

Episode: GOD, RELIGION & CHURCH

Starring Jack Truman as Woody

A Dixie Film



DENTISTS AND A TOOLBOX - Woody the Redneck

Woody speaks his mind about Dentists!!!!!!!!!

Don't have a dentist? That's okay. See what shocking redneck solutions Woody has for you!!!!

WOODY THE REDNECK is the new shocking mockumentary satire web series about a middle aged racist conservative redneck in the boonies. Based off the new hit mockumentary short film, Woody is sure to shock, offend and entertain!!!

WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series - Episode # 5  - DENTISTS AND A TOOLBOX

Starring Jack Truman as Woody
Check out Woody on:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Woody-the-Redneck/447138981987432
Twitter: http://twitter.com/woodytheredneck
Woody's Blog: http://redneckwoody.blogspot.com/
Blip TV: http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck
Funny or Die: http://www.funnyordie.com/woodytheredneck
Woody the Redneck on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2151362/

Woody the Redneck: The Web Series
A Dixie Film
Open Your Eyes

DENTISTS AND A TOOLBOX - Woody the Redneck - Episode #5 on Youtube:

WOODY THE REDNECK - Tomorrow in Birmingham!!!!

Tomorrow is the Alabama premiere of the hit new shocking short film WOODY THE REDNECK!!!!

WOODY THE REDNECK will be screening tomorrow in Birmingham at the Sidewalk Film Festival. The 8 minute mockumentary short film about a racist conserative redneck is exploding on the film festival circuit worldwide.

Tomorrow's screening at Sidewalk will be a part of the Dual Shorts Program at 2 p.m.

Here's the link:

WOODY THE REDNECK at Sidewalk, August 25th

Woody the Redneck
Starring Jack Truman as Woody
A Dixie Film

Watch this week's new episode of the shocking web series WOODY THE REDNECK:

Birds of a Feather.... Redneck Talk from Woody

Them there birds of a feather. They flock together. A bird in a hand is werth more than 2 in a bush.

I tell yew....redneck talk is livin'. Redneck talk is American.

If yew don't talk redneck. Yew ain't werth shit.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

DEEMOCRATS & REPUBICANS - Woody Talks Politics

Woody talks politics!

Woody talks Politics!!!!
From Republicans to Deemocrats, church, religion, drugs, gays, family values....you name it. Woody talks it!!!!!
WOODY THE REDNECK is the new shocking mockumentary satire web series about a middle aged racist conservative redneck in the boonies. Based off the new hit shocking short film, Woody is sure to shock, offend and entertain!!!

WOODY THE REDNECK - The Original Web Series - Episode #4 - DEEMOCRATS & REPUBLICANS

Starring Jack Truman as Woody

Check out Woody on:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Woody-the-Redneck/447138981987432
Twitter: http://twitter.com/woodytheredneck
Woody's Blog: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2151362/
Blip TV: http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck
Funny or Die: http://www.funnyordie.com/woodytheredneck
Woody the Redneck on IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2151362/

Woody the Redneck: The Web Series
A Dixie Film

Watch the new episode WOODY THE REDNECK - REPUBLICANS & DEEMOCRATS on Blip TV:

http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck/deemocrats-republicans-woody-the-redneck-episode-4-6311211

Redneck Pledge of Allegiance

Redneck livin' the way to go. Redneck's Christian. Redneck's God - lovin'. Redneck's American red white 'n blue. If you ain't redneck, you ain't american. You ain't werth shit.

Take that there pledge allegiance. I wuz in the shower tryin' to member the pledge allegiance. No wunder I couldn't member it. That wuz way back in grade school.

Long time ago.

Lez see if I can member it....

I pledge 'legiance to that there confederate flag of the united states of america. And to dem dere republicans, that there confederate flag stands. One nation, over and under God and the devil. Undisputable. With white liberty, and church lovin' power fer all.

I reckin it goes somethin' like that.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

WOODY THE REDNECK
A Dixie Production
Starring Jack Truman as Woody

Them There Politic Fellers

Them there politic fellers....I tell you what. They sound like they got mouths fulla sh*t.

You got republicans 'n deemocrats. Dey all sound the same to me. But at least dem 'publicans ain't got no queers or communists or foreigners. Damn. Pitiful.

Let me tell you 'bout dem dere politic fellers.

Them there politic fellers talk like fellers with a paper asshole. They run they mouths. Run 'em like a clock. Oughta just turn them there mouths off with flippin' a switch.

If you like listenin' to them there politic fellers....if you like them talkin' with a paper asshole and runnin' they mouths like a clock...you ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

Woody the Redneck
A Dixie Production
Starring Jack Truman as Woody

Bird Huntin', Givin' My Dawg a Break With Some Peanut Butter

If you ain't a redneck, you ain't American. Yew ain't werth sh*t.

Take bird huntin'. When I go out bird huntin' with my good 'ole bird dog Rex, he a good ole dawg. We take a break out there in the woods 'n I give him a treat. I let him lick my thang. It's easy. You wanna know how to git yer dawg to lick yer thang? Just put a little peanut butter on it.

I put a little peanut butter on my thang when we out there in the woods, and 'ole Rex goes to town lappin' that thang up like gravy on mashed taters.

Yew ain't got a dawg that kin lick yer thang, yew ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

Them There Hershey Squirts

I tell you wat. Ain't nothin' much better than a good poop.

Whenever I out in my backyard takin' a dump in my outhouse, them there Hershey squirts smell good 'n strong.

Anybody out there don't like the smell 'a hershey squirts kin kiss my bowels.

If you don't like to smell ur hershey squirts....you ain't werth shit.

I'm Woody the Redneck.

Woody the Redneck - CONFEDERATE FLAGS

Let me tell you 'bout them there confederate flags. Them confederate flags a good thang. I got a confederate flag in my pickup truck. I fly them confederate flags high 'n proud. Hell...I even got one flyin' high 'n proud right over my outhouse. You got them confederate flags. Dem confed'rate flags a good thang.

If you don't like them confederate flags....you ain't worth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Watch the shocking new episode WOODY THE REDNECK - CONFEDERATE FLAGS from the new web series! Based off the hit short film!

Woody the Redneck
A Dixie Film

Starring Jack Truman as Woody

God, Religion & Church

We had this feller walk into our church the other day. That 'ole hippy. Had a sheet over him. Feller looked all barefoot with them there flip flops on. Had these hear red dots on his hands 'n wrists. Look like blood or somethin'....drippin' on our floor messin' our church floor up. And had somethin' on his head. Look like a birds nest.

Watch Episode #2 of the new shocking web series WOODY THE REDNECK on Youtube, titled GOD, RELIGION & CHURCH:

Woody the Redneck - The Original Web Series
Based off the new hit short film
A Dixie Film

Smells Like a Bird Sh*t in Her Mouth

Hey there y'all. My name's Woody. I'm a redneck.

Damn. I tell you. Shit fire. I woke up this mornin' and went to give my wife a kiss 'fore I got up outta bed. And her breath stank so bad. It smelled like a bird shit in her mouth.

That bad breath kin really draw you in. It draws you in like flies on a turd.

I'm Woody the redneck.

Ugly Women - Couldn't Give a Hard On....

I'm Woody the redneck, y'all.

Let me tell yew 'bout dem dere ugly women.

You got dem hot gals 'n yew got dem ugly dogs. Now take dem hot ladies. Dey just like my wife. She a big 'ole gal. Bigger than a whale. Close near 400 pounds. You get a gal with a lotta meat on her bones, that there's good, hot eating.

Now them there ugly women. They ugly as a mud fence. Them there dogs 'r as skinny as a rail. Skinny as a crow. My buddy Everett 'n me went to the hole in the wall to warsh done a beer or two, and saw this here gal half naked. Looked like a scarecrow she was so skinny. I tell you. Them there skinny women. They couldn't give a hard on to a rapist.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Watch the pilot episode of the brand new shocking web series WOODY THE REDNECK on Blip TV:

http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck/woody-the-redneck-3-squares-a-day-the-pilot-episode-season-1-6277253

Happy as a Pig in Shit

Hey there, y'all. My name's Woody. I'm a redneck.

I reckon I 'bout as happy as I kin be. Confederate flags. White people. Church. Country and woods. Trailers. No whores or queers. Married with kids and got a job. I reckon I 'bout as happy as a pig in shit.

You can't get much happier than that.

I'm Woody the redneck.

Woody the Redneck - 3 SQUARES A DAY - Web Series - The Pilot Episode

WOODY THE REDNECK talks about how eatin' 3 square meals a day is true livin'....

The pilot episode for the brand new shocking web series WOODY THE REDNECK! Check out the pilot episode on Blip TV:

http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck/woody-the-redneck-3-squares-a-day-the-pilot-episode-season-1-6277253


WOODY THE REDNECK - The Web Series on Blip TV:

http://blip.tv/woodytheredneck

A Bird in the Hand

My grandpappy always told me a bird in the hand is werth more than 2 in a bush.

You got that there right. All you fellers out there. If you don't thank a bird in the hand is werth more dan 2 in a bush...you ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

My Backyard Outhouse

I got an outhouse in my backyard. You can't beat a good poop or a pee while hearin' them there roosters next door.

Don't git why a feller would poop and pee in their house. That ain't health. That nasty.

If you ain' got no outhouse in yer backyard, you ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Deader Than a Doornail

I tried to start my pickup truck today in front a' my trailer out here. That battery's deader than a doornail.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Them There TV's and Cell Phones

I tell you what.

Don't know 'bout this here country. You got that there TV. That's communist. Them there cell phones. That's the devil there. And them there computers. That take the cake.

I grew up in the day of pencil and paper. You listen to that there radio and record player. 'N talk to people. These here people nowadays don't even wanna talk to people. That ain't natural. That ain't American.

If you got a TV...or you on the computer...or you got one a them there cell phones...you ain't worth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Them There Queers - Thoughts from Woody the Redneck

I tell you what. I wunder what kinda country we live in here these here days. Theys queers. Queers in this here country. If you a queer...or you behind the queer...you ain't werth sh*t....

We ain't got no queer in these here parts. And don't you think we don't neither. We got laws protectin' our kind. Them there queer know they better stay away from here.

And you talk about laws. Them queer wanna change them there laws. They think they got rights. Queer don't got rights. They ain't people. They ain't 'Merican. If you a queer...or you behind the queer...you ain't werth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a Redneck.

A Little Sarcasm From Woody

I was paintin' a fence behind my trailer today. A feller come by and said 'you paintin' yer fence?' I said no. I'm milkin' some cows while drinkin' and drivin' while wavin' my confederate flag.

I'm Woody. I'm a Redneck.

What Them Women's Good Fer

I tell you what dem women's good fer. Breedin'.

Breedin'.

All they's good fer is breedin', keepin' house, and watchin the kids.

If you think them women's good fer more than that, you ain't worth sh*t.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

Woody the Redneck - You Ain't Healthy Unless You Fat

I don't know what all the fuss is 'bout bein' fat.

Bein' fat good. Bein' fat healthy. If you ain't fat....you ain't worth sh*t.

I tell you what. Them skinny people look sick. You don't see people 'round these here parts without meat on their bones. If you ain't at least 40 pounds overweight...you ain't healthy. You skinny as a crow. That ain't good. That ain't natural. Bein' fat way to go. They more fat people than skinny...so it must be right.

And if you religious. Then you fat. They say you body is the temple of God. If you skinny as a rail, and you sick, how you takin' care of that body? That ain't right. That ain't good. Bein' fat's good livin'.

If you complainin' about all these people bein' fat....you just jealous.

I'm Woody. I'm a Redneck.

Them There Older Women

'Dem 'dere older women. I tell you about them dere older women.

Dey good. They might not be good fer breedin' anymore. If you get 'em old 'nuf. But just 'cause they gettin' that there age where they about to go in the ground....you can still get somethin outta them. They good fer somethin.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

My Name is Woody. I'm a Redneck

I'm a redneck. N' proud of it.

You take dem dere city slickers. They don't know shit. True country's where it's at. Flyin' dis confedrate flag high and proud. Tellin' women what to do. Havin' guns in pickup trucks.

Redneck livin is de way 2 be.

I'm Woody. I'm a redneck.

My name is Woody. I'm a redneck. I never dun dis here internets thang before. But my friends say eye otta share my thoughts with de world. Let's see how dis here thang works.

I'm Woody the Redneck.